As of Late

Wow- I truly cannot believe that July and August have nearly come and gone! This summer, as quickly as it has flown by, has been a great one.

June brought on much time spent with family. We celebrated my Mother's recent marriage with a beautiful lakeside reception at a vineyard. We were able to treasure a few weeks spent David after he returned from his mission before he traveled to Tennessee for summer work. July brought on Square Pizza lunch dates with Kristen, Aubrey, Asher, and Dad. Also, Shandi's graduation and her beginning her first steps into the "real world". Jason and I will be able to watch these first steps up close and personal as she has made the official move into "her own space" in our basement. We have also been blessed with the assistance of Dad to complete some lingering house projects which I never thought would be complete.

There have also been some great events this summer. We were able to attend a Royal's game before David left with Steve and Aubrey. They were great lower level seats gifted to the family. Jason and I were able to attend a Michael Buble concert for the first time, which only made my fanatic stance regarding him grow deeper. We were able to sneak off for a St. Louis getaway which included my first venture to the top of the Arch followed by a run to the car in rain that caused flooding in the city, the free zoo, Six Flags amusement and water parks, Science Center, dinner with friends at the Cheesecake Factory, and, to top it off, a visit to City Museum, the largest adult friendly "play ground" we've ever seen. In August, I was lucky enough to win tickets to a meet and greet/lunch with Sara Bareilles. It was so great to hear her sing live,even better, just 5 feet from us. She has an amazing voice and tops it off with an amazing personality.

Other wise, there have been many professional changes for both of us. Jason has been getting by without full management staff as his assistant manager has relocated to another state. He luckily survived and actually saw great increase in sales during the back to school madness. All of his hard work is paying off as he was surprised with his largest bonus check yet at Adidas. He is also getting back to a full staff as he has spent much of the last two weeks in interviews. This will be great as we quickly approach the holiday season. For myself, I have officially experienced our ICN unit at max capacity this summer. We are officially a 60 bed unit with our patient population typically taking up approximately 75-85 hospital beds. Needless to say, our expansion to 80 beds just cant happen quick enough. I have also decided make another change in my employment status- I have accepted a night weekend option position. This means I will now only work Friday and Saturday nights, which comes along with a nearly 25% pay increase. That's right- work less, get paid more, how could I say no? This position was supposed to go into effect in December, but I was surprised with a phone call yesterday informing me it will actually take place in September.

For the near future, Jason and I are focusing on getting the house in order by completing projects and doing some much needed organizing. We are also looking forward to next planned getaway for this fall- a 10 day Southern Caribbean cruise to Samana, Tortola, Antigua, Dominica, Barbados, and St. Kitts. One last hoorah before we settle in for winter months and holidays full of family and friends :)

One month down!

As most of you know, I just recently completed my first full month on day shift at work. Wow, it has been quite an experience!

The first week went very smooth with a great patient assignment and with the luxury of focusing solely on the time adjustment. But then week two came.....

I spent the second-fourth week relearning to chart in our new computer system, (you just gotta LOVE Cerner! haha) learning the in's and out's of our new "space age" like radiant warmer beds, trialing a new feeding pump, which I will surely veto, and then learning the day shift norm:

* Sending/receiving two kiddos from the operating room: wouldn't be so bad if they worked around my schedule or even stuck to theirs- lesson learned, be flexible!

* One MRI: of course not standard, poor baby required me to administer sedation, but that was actually a great learning experience.

* Not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR patient discharges. This is actually a much larger task sometimes than imagined! Two to quite difficult families. One Dad which made quickly learn you have to draw the "your wont walk all over me" line on the first day. Another lesson learned!

* "Orienting" to the Pediatric ICU in order to prepare to "float" down there when they need extra help, which I had heard is every NICU RN's nightmare! It really went smooth, it is just a challenge to be out of your element and do things so differently.

Overall, there have been times that I have been incredibly happy with switching over to days, times where I nearly came home in tears threatening to switch back to nights. Surprisingly, some of the most rewarding moments have been family interactions. It feels so good to have families look you in the eyes and say thank you, request that you care for the their baby in the future, or trust in your opinion and advice, and most of all have them say "I think I will actually go get lunch today, I know she is in great hands".

Life

An angel opened the book of life and wrote down our baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book, "Too beautiful for earth."

These words still resonate in my mind as though I just read them. I am still longing and grasping for just an ounce of the strength it takes for loving parents to truly accept this as their reality.
I had both the blessing and misfortune of sitting on the sideline of this occurrence through recent months.

I couldn't have been happier than the day I walked into work late February to find what a precious little baby that was so peacefully sleeping, awaiting 12 hours of my loving care to begin. I can say it was truly a special feeling when I looked into that isolette and saw the miracle that lay before me. A special heart string was tugged and I was a "primary nurse" for the first time. It was so amazing the moments of pride and joy in which I relished as this baby graduated first in diaper size, respiratory support gone, then to a crib, and next thing I knew I was bathing, dressing, bottle feeding, and cuddling! It was a small glimpse into motherhood a way I had not before experienced this closely. This past weekend was a huge one, as this precious baby which I loved dearly has gone home to one of the best families I have known.

All the while there was another precious baby nearby. I came to care for this little one in many of the same ways I did my primary patient, taking moments of joy as good news arrived and moments of deep sadness as bad news was slow to set in. The term "unofficial primary" was applied to our relationship. From labs and procedures to surgeries and medications, even attempts at life altering medical consults, everyday was full of surprising changes. It seemed as though this little one just couldn't catch a break. In late April the sad news came that we had hit the "beginning of the end" and to just "be prepared". Caring for this precious baby became increasingly more difficult, as even simple nursing tasks would cause quite dramatic changes. This past weekend was a huge one, as this precious little baby was layed to rest.

As I drove to the funeral I couldn't hide the swarm of butterflies in my stomach and the uneasiness in my mind. I called my Mom hoping that a chat would help put me at least slightly at peace and help me get it back together, which helped only slightly. As I arrived and walked in, those feelings again returned full fledged. I couldn't help but wonder if the parents would even know who I was- after all, I was the "night nurse" that most parents had never meet. I entered the chapel and approached the family slowly as I tried to form words. As I approached, all of my fears melted away as the Mother glanced my way and smiled. I spoke my words of condolence, thanked them for sharing their angel, and hugged the parents. They thanked me for being there to support them and for the months of love and care which I had provided. I was then down the path to speak my peace to the precious baby. I had never seen her so beautiful, so peaceful as that moment. I couldn't help but smile as I saw many of her favorite things lying by her side. As I took my seat and fought the tears which had begun to swell, I couldn't help but think- Why?
That is the moment I sat and began to read-

An angel opened the book of life and wrote down our baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book "Too beautiful for earth."

Tiny Angel

For a brief and fleeting moment, an angel touched the ground;

With tiny wings and halo, and sweet soft angel sounds.

Blessing the lives of others, in beauty and in grace;

Those who saw the angel, knew God has kissed her tiny face.

The angel came for reasons we may not understand;

A journey brief, with gifts so great, and guided by God's hand.

So rest now tiny angel, your work on earth is through;

In the beauty of God's perfect love we saw his gift in you.

As the service concluded, I watched this Mother maintain the strength to stand and bid farewell to every guest in attendance, thanking them for the support they had offered. Her tears were few and her words were many. I felt so incredibly envious of her resilience and strength.

It is moments like this that make you truly and sincerely thankful for every blessing given in life. I am so incredibly thankful for the people, friends and family, that are truly a part of my life, enriching every day of my being. I believe those relationships are where strength like that comes from.

Abnormal Psychology

Cheapskate
Tightwad
Penny pincher
Stingy

All words that have been used to describe me- even to the extent of being told today “I squeak when I walk”. From a very young age I started over valuing every dollar in my possession- for field trips when I would be given $20 to spend lavishly, I would try and compare the worth of every object I desired to the amount of work my parents would have put in to earn that dollar- regularly I came home empty handed and returned the hard earned money to its “rightful owner“.

Still to this day, I can not come to accept the idea of giving an hour worth of pay for one t-shirt, two hours for a pair of shoes, or what brought on this whole idea- 5% of my monthly income for a cell phone bill. What makes it even harder to swallow is the fact that my hard earned money is going towards a service, not an object- I cannot go to the store to touch and analyze the quality of phone minutes, I can not choose the color, texture, size, or shape. In fact, I can hardly choose the quantity by which I purchase- it either comes in gas station register like quantity or in Costco sized bulk appropriate for a family of 10! Since when do cell phone companies have the right to tell me what phone I can or cannot buy? The cable company doesn’t tell their customers what TV they have to purchase to obtain a specific service plan, (I am not included in that group since we thrive on bunny ears and netflix in my home), Internet service providers do not require the highest quality Internet if you chose to have a high end computer, and I didn’t have to buy the Tempur-pedic mattress set with my designer bedroom furniture. Yet, cell phone companies require you to pay an additional $15-$30 a month if you would like to purchase a non-shoddy phone . I have been through the “free” phone instance before and, as we all know, quality, reception, battery life, and even speaker volume are the sacrifices you are making. This puts us in quite a pickle- stay with the dreaded Sprint for service (not a desirable option at all- their customer service is quite atrocious), switch to Verizon or AT&T and enter into a contract being told what I HAVE to buy and be near robbed monthly (would I choose this relationship option when picking friends? Hmmm), or boycott the industry all together with NO ONE standing by my side? Oh, the dilemma’s of life and adulthood :)

I spoke extensively about my issue today with the person it affects the most- Jason. I started the conversation by informing him to not be judgmental, but that I really felt as though there is something major wrong with me and that I might need psychological help. After a moment of laughter, I walked him through Bed, Bath, and Beyond and pointed out about 40 items I would love to own ranging from $1.70-$30, but then explained every thought in my mind as I rationalized each item out of the cart- some because I have similar items at home, (good reason, right?), others because once I divided up what they would cost per month vs. the benefit I would receive from using the item- it was deemed not necessary, (starting to sound crazy, I know), and the cheapest item, a pack of gum (which was desperately needed after an onion filled lunch) was nearly vetoed because we have gum at home, (even eliminating the onion odor I was emitting nearly didn’t happen!). Getting to the point, in the end, I left with three items- the Topsy Turvy Tomato Planter (it will truly save a bundle on tomatoes this summer), a blind cleaner, (only after figuring up how many hours I currently spend cleaning blinds by hand and what else I could use that time for), and the pack of gum, which Jason sincerely thanked me for.

In all the ways these choices affect my life "negatively" (mostly just according to others), it is gratifying and offers a great since of security going to bed each and every night knowing we are near debt free (a near payed off car and mortgage weighing on me), are invested in a growing 401K, live off of only one of our incomes, and have a nice nest egg in the money market. I asked myself all day long- Do I in fact need to seek out a psychological analysis? What is important to us? What in fact are our priorities? Where do we want our money to be going? Is Dave Ramsey crazy and are we just cult-like followers?

In the end, I concluded that I knew the answers all along- I am doing what makes me happy. Once a cheapskate always a cheapskate, even if I do squeak when I walk.

Vacation, vacation, vacation!

Since our last post, Jason and I have done quite a few things with the time we have actually had together. Best of all, we were blessed with time off and used it wisely to squeeze in two wonderful vacations.

In January, Jason's first trip staying in Florida and visiting Disney World. This was quite an experience, as we were there for the record low temperature in Orlando, then even better, beat it the following the day. Due to the weather forecast predicting 60-70 degree weather for our trip, we were most definitely ill prepared for the cold- as a last resort, we ended up catching a taxi ride to the nearest Walmart for some warm attire. Needless to say, these were not the best additions to our wardrobe since everything warm was picked over and near non-existent. We had quite a few great laughs at "creative" layering. We also found much humor in the "extreme weather photos" the news stations were broadcasting of kids poor attempts at building "sleet men" and people scraping their windows. Even better was the news anchors attempt at educating the public as what sleet actually was. But with cold weather in Florida, the perks are on high in Disney World- with short to non-existing lines and minimal crowds, we were able to experience most everything in the park. Aside from the visiting all of the parks, we really enjoyed our resort being in the Downtown Disney area which is home to many specialty restaurants and shops. Overall, it was a wonderful experience and we look forward to visiting again someday with our family. To see all of our pictures:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=142309&id=680153924&l=aceb040779
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=142531&id=680153924&l=116c55dcf5

Most recently we were able to make a road trip to New Orleans in late March. This was by far one of my favorite trips I have blessed to be able to take with Jason, even when I take into account the near 14 hour drive. New Orleans is such a wonderful place- full of treasures, phenomenal history, and intriguing diversity. All of which I am a sucker for. When you arrive you truly feel as though you are in a whole new country and more than once have heard that a passport should be required to visit. We invested in a Visit-Ticket, which grants admission to 40+ museums/attractions, which I would highly recommend for any first time visitors. Some of the inclusions we visited:

A guided French Quarter walking tour and Ghost and Spirit walking tour
Cruise the Mississippi on the Steamboat Nathez

Visit Oak Alley and Destrehan Plantations for a taste of Southern plantation life
Attend a Creole cooking class for a sampling of local cuisine
Visit the various Mardi Gras/art/historical museums
Antique shop on Magazine St where we purchased two beautiful 1940's armchairs
Spend an afternoon at a local art fair in one of the many historic parks
Walk through Audubon Aquarium of the America's- one of the countries best
Take a guided boat ride through an alligator inhabited swamp

We had a wonderful time and cannot wait to return and experience the inspiring "southern hospitality", wonderful food, and beautiful locale. The link for that album:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=162069&id=680153924&l=ccef085

We have much enjoyed over these last couple of years living life "vacation to vacation" and are very much looking forward to planning one last big trip this year in September when our schedules permit us to both be away for another week :)

Time

I resorted to searching quote websites for a witty and clever quote about time to use as an excuse as to why I can never seem to find enough of it to actually write blog posts, but I had no such luck. In fact none of them I found actually worked in my favor. Here are few that I like quite a bit:

Defer no time, delays have dangerous ends.

Time is the cruelest teacher, first she gives the test, then teaches the lesson.

Time is but a handful of sand- the tighter you grasp it, the faster it runs through your fingers.

For disappearing acts, its is harder to beat what happens to the eight hours that are supposedly left after eight hours of work and eight hours of sleep.

Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.

This last quote hits close to home for us as of late. For the last year and a half Jason and I have gone a minimum of twelve days a month without seeing each other at all due to my required night scheduling and Jason's ever so unpredictable retail work schedule. I have truly come to love working night shift- it comes with great professional autonomy, the guarantee of few to no visitors, on site parking, and a wonderful shift pay differential. With that said, I have recently been offered the opportunity to transfer to working day shifts, which many of you know, I have chosen to accept. I truly feel as though I am starting a new job as the shifts are "as different as night and day"- (you can all thank Jason for my "punny" wording). But, with all things in life, I have to weigh the sacrifice versus benefit, and in the end my home and family life will always prevail and win. As many of the experienced nurses eloquently stated- Jason and I are one of those "lovey dovey" couples that actually still like each other and desire to spend time together. As much as I dislike the idea giving up the pay, working with all new staff, and catching a shuttle to work, I know I will be very happy with decision once I adjust.

Back to time being an issue, it is now 4am and tired has hit. I best be heading to bed so that I don't sleep away my Saturday. I vow now to to take some time, in the midst of my planned spring cleaning frenzy, to blog and update on the time lapse from my last post to this point.

Good night!